So what is a life coach? Now, I would like to tell you what a life coach is, but it is a difficult thing to describe. It is less of a job description and more of an experience you go through. Coaching is a process by which you get to have a new, hopefully improved, experience of yourself and what you are capable of. Coaching provides accountability to yourself; it’s like outsourcing someone to hold your best interests as sacred and reflect your importance as a human being back to you. In our culture, many of us have learned to behave as though everyone else matters more than ourselves. But I would argue that this doesn’t balance out well as no one knows your needs, visions, and callings as well as you do. And a life coach can reflect you back to yourself, minus any emotional reactivity or expectations from loved ones, employees, or bosses. This detached but alert presence can really help you get more clarity on your challenges.

Unlike therapy, life coaching is not focused on reprocessing past experiences or discovering why you have the challenges you do. Life coaching looks at the present moment, as Eckhart Tolle would say, “The Now”. And where you want to go. Coaching is about achieving tangible/measurable results. We’re less likely to focus on the why but more on the what, when, and how?

Life coaching is about helping *you* to take greater responsibility for the results you get in your life. One of my mentors was fond of pointing out, “If you always do what you always did, you’ll always get what you always got.” It’s not so much about figuring out the right thing to do, it’s about changing habits, experimenting with your choices, and seeing what gets the best results. It is a powerful thing recognizing that you have an expanded amount of choices in your life. We do and say so many things on autopilot. But by getting a little more conscious and embracing your free will, you can make amazing positive changes.

It all starts by being open to possibilities. By being open to the possibility that  how things have been can be otherwise. Being open to the possibility that you have what it takes to change your world.

Do you ever feel like you have to abuse yourself to get yourself to do anything? Do you feel unmotivated until you have made yourself feel so bad that you simply must take action to relieve the guilt? I feel this way sometimes. I am not convinced that it is the self-abuse that leads to the productivity, however. I wonder if the relationship between guilt and action is coincidental rather than causal.

Actually, I conducted a little experiment on myself many years ago. My life took a new turn in 2000 when I was laid off from my outside sales manager position a few weeks before my first son was born. Being a single mom, I decided to take over my therapist father’s insurance billing duties to earn some extra money. I needed to get claims in on a regular time schedule in order for my father to get paid. What I noticed was that I would get increasingly depressed, anxious, and sick feeling as the due date approached. By the time I took action, I was irritable and agitated. Upon task completion (some of you are saying, “What’s that?”), I felt relief. I almost felt ecstatic, in fact. Celebration time!

I had never been able to do any project with a slow and steady pace or before what I perceived to be The Last Minute. [Read more →]