One of the greatest sources of anxiety for us procrastinators comes from beating ourselves up about all the stuff we feel we are procrastinating on. The problem is that we can only do one thing at a time. Consequently, when we are paying the bills, for instance, we are *not* making our phone calls, doing the shopping, working on our writing projects, finding a plumber, scheduling an appointment with our daughter’s teacher, taking steps on our true and deepest dreams, etc. And we have a tendency to beat ourselves up about slacking on all these things even as we are actually working on something productive.

Anxiety can become overwhelming and debilitating. Here is the way out. Let’s try putting our emPHAsis on what we *are* doing! I *am* writing in my blog. Sure, it should be pretty easy for me to feel good about doing this. But do you know, even as I write, I am thinking about the business cards in my purse from the Chamber of Commerce mixer last night that I have done anything about? But it does no good to beat myself up that I am not doing that right now. Even if all I can say is, “I am resting,” it still does no good for me to feel bad. The only sane choice is to either go do that other thing or feel OK about the thing I am doing.

If I treat myself like a disciplinarian, I will resist my own discipline. Call it internalized oppositional defiance.

Now, I could say, “I am resting and I choose to feel good about it”.  Or, “I am writing in my blog which is one of my most important goals.” Or even, “I am feeling anxious about all the things I am not doing and I am doing anxiety with the greatest skill.” Why not? We are always doing something. And there will always be a bunch of other really important things we are not doing.

Whatever you are doing right now consider it an accomplishment. Oh, you just read my blog post! Well, that *is* an accomplishment!

My procrastinators tips for you today, then, is to *know* that you will be disappointed frequently and that there may be incredible delays in achieving your goals. Many of them will be through no “fault” of your own.

It’s all part of having goals. It is natural and normal to come to obstacles. Do you know what it means when you hit and obstacle?

No. It doesn’t mean it’s time to stop “going for it”.

It means, and listen carefully here, that you hit an obstacle on the way to your goal. That’s all! Take a closer look. <Extreme zoom to microscopic scale.> You are on the way to your goal! You must have been moving to hit that obstacle, yes? Good!

So when you find obstacles in your way take comfort in knowing, A. they are normal, B. they don’t necessarily mean to stop (you do want to find the information in them), and C. they mean you were moving toward your goals! You just caught yourself *not* procrastinating! Congratulations!

What next? Sulk for a reasonable amount of time. Perhaps set a timer for 20 minutes (the average amount of time it takes for an upset to leave the system). Or better yet, feel bad and *still* do what needs to be done. Then you get the gold star!

Today, I get a gold star!

I’ll start with the discernment piece. How do I know that this overwhelming need to slow down and “veg” is a need and not a procrastination reaction? (Yes, I believe procrastination can actually be reactivity, but I will have to consider this brand new thought at a later date!) My first clue was how my body took the lead. I felt tired like when I am starting to get sick and I had a slight sore throat. I could have just pushed through it all despite these minor symptoms, but I wanted to make sure I didn’t get sick. That helped me give myself permission to rest.

Another important factor that allowed me to determine that a day or two of rest was appropriate was that I had just completed several higher stress and fear-inducing activities including giving my first 3rd Thursday Free Workshop. (It went great!) If I were *about* to do something scary, I would have guessed that my tiredness was me trying to talk myself out of putting myself in an uncomfortable situation. Having just completed something scary, I was a lot less skeptical of my potential motives.

The third thing that freed me up to go with being a coach barnacle was that it just *felt* right on a deep level. That is, it actually felt aligned with my purpose to help others and my goals of creating a succcessful and sustainable coaching business. I needed literally to recharge my batteries. Face it, dealing with people takes a lot of energy. Doing with great attention, focus, and love takes even more! I needed a rest in order to be ready for new challenges.

And, having taken two restful days, I *am* ready. I am so grateful that I didn’t go into judgement with myself and beat myself up for being lazy. (I am sure a better opportunity for that will lurk behind a future door.) Also, I did not decide that I was getting depressed which is another interpretation I like to make. Then I end up feeling bad about being depressed which actually makes me depressed. This low energy period had been a lot shorter that ones that I have experienced in the past. I have been really very amazed at how enjoyable it is to listen to my body’s needs and respond as though I love and trust myself. Yes, sometimes I procrastinate, but this time I didn’t put off taking care of myself!

Actually, I conducted a little experiment on myself many years ago. My life took a new turn in 2000 when I was laid off from my outside sales manager position a few weeks before my first son was born. Being a single mom, I decided to take over my therapist father’s insurance billing duties to earn some extra money. I needed to get claims in on a regular time schedule in order for my father to get paid. What I noticed was that I would get increasingly depressed, anxious, and sick feeling as the due date approached. By the time I took action, I was irritable and agitated. Upon task completion (some of you are saying, “What’s that?”), I felt relief. I almost felt ecstatic, in fact. Celebration time!

I had never been able to do any project with a slow and steady pace or before what I perceived to be The Last Minute. (It really sucks when you misunderestimate when the last minute actually is! We have a term for that in my business; it’s called being totally screwed!) My brain seems to need the added (ADHDed?) adrenaline of The Last Minute to muster the focus to get going. But the idea of conducting research on myself was a compelling carrot. This is what I did…

I made the conscious decision to start the insurance billing well before what I perceived to be The Last Minute and see what would happen. That’s it! Curiousity won out over procrastination. You won’t believe what happened. Well, first, you won’t believe that I actually got the billing done early! Here’s the strange part: I *still* got anxious at the last minute. And even though the project was complete, I did *not* feel relieved. Why? Perhaps because I hadn’t exerted all that fight or flight energy to get the task done? Beer always tastes better after a day of hard work. I did not have a day of hard work from which to enjoy relief.

In conclusion, I have learned to be skeptical of my interpretations of how I think I feel. That’s one thing. The relationship between my anxiety level and waiting for The Last Minute to get something done is more complex than I had thought. Another finding from my carefully designed personal research is that the anxiety did diminish with each repetition of Getting an Early Start.

Can I tell you something kind of sad, though? It is not nearly as fun to get things done ahead of schedule. There just isn’t much juice there. Yes, it is boring!

So I have decided to consciously choose how I want it to be. I can opt for the juice and brain sparkle of  The Last Minute. Or I can opt for the peace of Getting an Early Start. I have even been known to create an artificial deadline (this works well for taxes) so that I both get the juice and ensure prompt results. The most important conclusion I have made is that I don’t have to feel bad about myself to be productive. Feeling bad is an add-on and unnecessary. I love my way of being. I love that I get to have this sparkly brain. I am not going to beat myself up for waiting for The Last Minute anymore, and neither should you! (Unless you are my client and we are talking about sending my payment.)

Here’s wishing you a productive day of self-adoration! You sparkly person, you. And whatever way you choose to be, remember to celebrate your successes!

Now if you are attached to understanding why you procrastinate before you will even be willing to move forward, then pick a reason and move on. Yes. Pick a reason! Make one up! We make up all our interpretations anyway, so make it good. Here is an example: I procrastinate because my mind is actually busy working on figuring out the best way to do something. I am not actually procrastinating at all. I am simply “off-line”. There! That was easy.

If you prefer a gloomier outlook you could decide that the reason you procrastinate is because you have a deep-rooted fear of failure that stems from the harsh judgments of your parents. OK. That is a fine reason if it works for you. It may or may not be true, but I am not interested in that. I am interested in how you choose to live now.

OK. That was the therapy part. You have just completed your therapy. Now that you understand why you procrastinate, you are free to choose to do otherwise. Now that you have decided on a reason for your procrastination are you now willing to do something about it? I’ll wait here a second…

But, wait! There is some pie left in the fridge. Yummers! We’ll have to tackle this procrastination later….

More to come…