Procrastinator’s Power-UP!

• Feel energized and supported
• Learn the 5 secrets to freedom
• Turn breakdowns into momentum

Experience the value of Professional Group Coaching!
Tuesdays 5:30-6:30 • Ongoing group, limit 8
$59.00 per month • Contact Heather for more details and to register

heather(at)heatherflanagan.com

360-379-0322

Also, see this posting at PTguide – City Guide to Port Townsend, Washington

Unlike therapy, life coaching is not focused on reprocessing past experiences or discovering why you have the challenges you do. Life coaching looks at the present moment, as Eckhart Tolle would say, “The Now”. And where you want to go. Coaching is about achieving tangible/measurable results. We’re less likely to focus on the why but more on the what, when, and how?

Life coaching is about helping *you* to take greater responsibility for the results you get in your life. One of my mentors was fond of pointing out, “If you always do what you always did, you’ll always get what you always got.” It’s not so much about figuring out the right thing to do, it’s about changing habits, experimenting with your choices, and seeing what gets the best results. It is a powerful thing recognizing that you have an expanded amount of choices in your life. We do and say so many things on autopilot. But by getting a little more conscious and embracing your free will, you can make amazing positive changes.

It all starts by being open to possibilities. By being open to the possibility that  how things have been can be otherwise. Being open to the possibility that you have what it takes to change your world.

Just yesterday at my Chamber of Commerce meeting, I wanted to make a quirky but bold announcement about a discount promotion for Chamber members. While I feel comfortable about telling them about my 3rd Thursday Free Seminars, I felt very uncomfortable speaking up about my special offer. I could tell that I might decide not to say anything about it ”on the fly” as it where.

So you know what I did? I told a woman about my announcement while in the lunch line. Now I was truly committed. And, yes. My palms got sweaty as my blood ran cold. I was fully terrified! I have learned to love that feeling. I have learned that it means I am really moving forward.

And this is how you thumb screw yourself. (Well that came out wrong, but you know what I mean.)

What happens is this: friend A, let’s call her Abby, comes to friends B, let’s call her Bertha, feeling sad. Abby tells Bertha that she is feeling really overwhelmed with all she has to do. She feel hopeless sometimes, like she can never be enough. Bertha loves Abby and cannot stand to see her upset. So, Bertha decides to show Abby how her feelings are wrong.

Bertha says, “But Abby, you have such a beautiful family and you are doing such a great job with everything. You should feel grateful for all you have.” How does Abby feel about this response? Abby does not feel listened to. She is probably feeling like she wished she’d kept her feelings to herself! She’ll never “unload” on Bertha again! And she’ll never build intimacy with Bertha, either. Abby may feel that she is being a burden and whiner and/or she may feel that her ability to assess her life is inaccurate and that she can’t trust her own feelings.

What is an alternative? Bertha can recognize that she doesn’t feel comfortable with her friend’s sadness and acknowledge that lovingly in herself. She may even share that with Abby. “Wow. It makes me sad to know you are sad.” If Bertha wants Abby to feel comfortable confiding in her, she may also add, “I am grateful that you feel comfortable sharing this with me.” If she really would prefer that Abby not share so deeply, she can share that, too. “You know, Abby, I am not really great with sad emotions. I tend to get checked out, myself.”

The most wonderful thing we can do with our loved ones’ emotions is simply acknowledge them without trying to fix or change them. This goes for our children’s emotions, as well. “Abby, I see that you are feeling really discouraged. I am here for you.” Now, how does Abby feel?

If Bertha wants to help, she can find out what help looks like to Abby. “Abby, is there anything I can do to help?” Chances are that just *hearing* Abby has been a huge help. Feelings are best shared with a loving and true friend. When we fight or resist our feelings they tend to go get a bunch of their buddies and come back to do battle. When we feel our uncomfortable feelings fully, they tend to dissipate, shape-shift, and lessen in intensity. Ironic, isn’t it!

I’ll start with the discernment piece. How do I know that this overwhelming need to slow down and “veg” is a need and not a procrastination reaction? (Yes, I believe procrastination can actually be reactivity, but I will have to consider this brand new thought at a later date!) My first clue was how my body took the lead. I felt tired like when I am starting to get sick and I had a slight sore throat. I could have just pushed through it all despite these minor symptoms, but I wanted to make sure I didn’t get sick. That helped me give myself permission to rest.

Another important factor that allowed me to determine that a day or two of rest was appropriate was that I had just completed several higher stress and fear-inducing activities including giving my first 3rd Thursday Free Workshop. (It went great!) If I were *about* to do something scary, I would have guessed that my tiredness was me trying to talk myself out of putting myself in an uncomfortable situation. Having just completed something scary, I was a lot less skeptical of my potential motives.

The third thing that freed me up to go with being a coach barnacle was that it just *felt* right on a deep level. That is, it actually felt aligned with my purpose to help others and my goals of creating a succcessful and sustainable coaching business. I needed literally to recharge my batteries. Face it, dealing with people takes a lot of energy. Doing with great attention, focus, and love takes even more! I needed a rest in order to be ready for new challenges.

And, having taken two restful days, I *am* ready. I am so grateful that I didn’t go into judgement with myself and beat myself up for being lazy. (I am sure a better opportunity for that will lurk behind a future door.) Also, I did not decide that I was getting depressed which is another interpretation I like to make. Then I end up feeling bad about being depressed which actually makes me depressed. This low energy period had been a lot shorter that ones that I have experienced in the past. I have been really very amazed at how enjoyable it is to listen to my body’s needs and respond as though I love and trust myself. Yes, sometimes I procrastinate, but this time I didn’t put off taking care of myself!

I am not so sure. And I will tell you why.Today I was having a feeling I did not  recognize. It felt very expanded, hopeful, and alive. It about made me hurl! That is to say, it was very foreign and uncomfortable to me. I did not know what to do with myself or how to think about it. My head felt like it was exploding out the top like a cheep 4th of July firework. I would have preferred the more comfortable perky malaise to which I had become accustomed. Or that oh so tasty fear that I have learned to use to my advantage. But this… this… bliss was unpalatable.

Some time has past since this feeling of yucky bliss earlier today. I tried not to fight it but allow it to be, just like I try to allow my critical self to be a part of the whole me. It will take some getting used to before I can handle being light more of the time. I think part of my discomfort is that I am afraid I will get lost in it. If I am blissful, how then will I motivate myself? Bliss seems to run counter to my image of self-discipline and self-control.

On the other hand, this bliss seems to have come with an overwhelming amount of support from Life, the Universe, and Everything. The truth is, I am still being productive. In fact, it is taking less effort dragging myself up by my boot straps. I have a feeling of flow and momentum and a feeling of cooperation from the world. All this while feeling nauseated! How confusing! I will keep you posted on my progress…

In the past when I have felt this uncomfortable I have sprinted back to the edge of the cliff like Wile E. Coyote. Yet, despite my ability to defy the laws of gravity, I have not been able to sustain my violation long enough to traverse to the other side. <sigh>

Today, I am out over the ravene farther than I have ever been. And I am *very* uncomfortable. Sometimes this discomfort feels like  panic attack. Other times I feel thrilled as though on a roller coaster.

What has made this difference this time, and “this time” has lasted a lot longer than the times before, is that I am using my occasions of fear as a colorful signal to repeat my new mantra, “I am focused on my goals.” There is a lot of energy in fear for me. In the past, I have used it as a block. Now, I am refocusing the energy in my fear towards taking action on my goals. It is making all the difference.