Heather Flanagan, PCC » fear

What is life coaching?

Heather — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 20:27:22 +0000

So what is a life coach? Now, I would like to tell you what a life coach is, but it is a difficult thing to describe. It is less of a job description and more of an experience you go through. Coaching is a process by which you get to have a new, hopefully improved, experience of yourself and what you are capable of. Coaching provides accountability to yourself; it’s like outsourcing someone to hold your best interests as sacred and reflect your importance as a human being back to you. In our culture, many of us have learned to behave as though everyone else matters more than ourselves. But I would argue that this doesn’t balance out well as no one knows your needs, visions, and callings as well as you do. And a life coach can reflect you back to yourself, minus any emotional reactivity or expectations from loved ones, employees, or bosses. This detached but alert presence can really help you get more clarity on your challenges.

Unlike therapy, life coaching is not focused on reprocessing past experiences or discovering why you have the challenges you do. Life coaching looks at the present moment, as Eckhart Tolle would say, “The Now”. And where you want to go. Coaching is about achieving tangible/measurable results. We’re less likely to focus on the why but more on the what, when, and how?

Life coaching is about helping *you* to take greater responsibility for the results you get in your life. One of my mentors was fond of pointing out, “If you always do what you always did, you’ll always get what you always got.” It’s not so much about figuring out the right thing to do, it’s about changing habits, experimenting with your choices, and seeing what gets the best results. It is a powerful thing recognizing that you have an expanded amount of choices in your life. We do and say so many things on autopilot. But by getting a little more conscious and embracing your free will, you can make amazing positive changes.

It all starts by being open to possibilities. By being open to the possibility that how things have been can be otherwise. Being open to the possibility that you have what it takes to change your world.

Borrow thumb screws

Heather — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 17:29:46 +0000

Here is your procrastinators success tool of the day: If you are having trouble getting yourself to do a specific task, such as writing or exercising, tell a friend that you *will* be doing it. Better yet, invite them to join you! While you may be tempted to break an agreement with yourself, you are much less likely to “bogue” if you have made the agreement in the presence of another.

Just yesterday at my Chamber of Commerce meeting, I wanted to make a quirky but bold announcement about a discount promotion for Chamber members. While I feel comfortable about telling them about my 3rd Thursday Free Seminars, I felt very uncomfortable speaking up about my special offer. I could tell that I might decide not to say anything about it ”on the fly” as it where.

So you know what I did? I told a woman about my announcement while in the lunch line. Now I was truly committed. And, yes. My palms got sweaty as my blood ran cold. I was fully terrified! I have learned to love that feeling. I have learned that it means I am really moving forward.

And this is how you thumb screw yourself. (Well that came out wrong, but you know what I mean.)

Sometimes it isn’t laziness. Really!

Heather — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 01:44:30 +0000

Have you ever had one of those days where you were just plain spent? Do you ever become mistrustful of yourself when you feel this way or tell yourself you are just being lazy? For me, today was the second of two days where my “get up and go” got up and went. I haven’t had one of these days in a very long time so I took the opportunity to really go through it with curiosity (instead of judgement and guilt). I asked myself a couple questions. I wondered how this experience would be different if I allowed my tiredness to just *be* without judgement. Would it last as long? I also was mindful of the ways this lassitude differed from plain old lazy spells and “procrastination events”, shall we call them.

I’ll start with the discernment piece. How do I know that this overwhelming need to slow down and “veg” is a need and not a procrastination reaction? (Yes, I believe procrastination can actually be reactivity, but I will have to consider this brand new thought at a later date!) My first clue was how my body took the lead. I felt tired like when I am starting to get sick and I had a slight sore throat. I could have just pushed through it all despite these minor symptoms, but I wanted to make sure I didn’t get sick. That helped me give myself permission to rest.

Another important factor that allowed me to determine that a day or two of rest was appropriate was that I had just completed several higher stress and fear-inducing activities including giving my first 3rd Thursday Free Workshop. (It went great!) If I were *about* to do something scary, I would have guessed that my tiredness was me trying to talk myself out of putting myself in an uncomfortable situation. Having just completed something scary, I was a lot less skeptical of my potential motives.

The third thing that freed me up to go with being a coach barnacle was that it just *felt* right on a deep level. That is, it actually felt aligned with my purpose to help others and my goals of creating a succcessful and sustainable coaching business. I needed literally to recharge my batteries. Face it, dealing with people takes a lot of energy. Doing with great attention, focus, and love takes even more! I needed a rest in order to be ready for new challenges.

And, having taken two restful days, I *am* ready. I am so grateful that I didn’t go into judgement with myself and beat myself up for being lazy. (I am sure a better opportunity for that will lurk behind a future door.) Also, I did not decide that I was getting depressed which is another interpretation I like to make. Then I end up feeling bad about being depressed which actually makes me depressed. This low energy period had been a lot shorter that ones that I have experienced in the past. I have been really very amazed at how enjoyable it is to listen to my body’s needs and respond as though I love and trust myself. Yes, sometimes I procrastinate, but this time I didn’t put off taking care of myself!

Feeling Uncomfortable

Heather — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 20:49:03 +0000

Let me tell you where I find myself. I am standing on imaginary ground between my old place of comfort and my goals. (I wish I could call them “new” goals, but they are old and have been in hibernation for way too long!)

In the past when I have felt this uncomfortable I have sprinted back to the edge of the cliff like Wile E. Coyote. Yet, despite my ability to defy the laws of gravity, I have not been able to sustain my violation long enough to traverse to the other side.

Today, I am out over the ravene farther than I have ever been. And I am *very* uncomfortable. Sometimes this discomfort feels like panic attack. Other times I feel thrilled as though on a roller coaster.

What has made this difference this time, and “this time” has lasted a lot longer than the times before, is that I am using my occasions of fear as a colorful signal to repeat my new mantra, “I am focused on my goals.” There is a lot of energy in fear for me. In the past, I have used it as a block. Now, I am refocusing the energy in my fear towards taking action on my goals. It is making all the difference.