Procrastinator’s Power-UP!

• Feel energized and supported
• Learn the 5 secrets to freedom
• Turn breakdowns into momentum

Experience the value of Professional Group Coaching!
Tuesdays 5:30-6:30 • Ongoing group, limit 8
$59.00 per month • Contact Heather for more details and to register

heather(at)heatherflanagan.com

360-379-0322

Also, see this posting at PTguide – City Guide to Port Townsend, Washington

What does Being your Word mean? It means doing what you say you will do when you say you will do it. Does it mean doing what you say you will do with your co-workers or employees. And then breaking promises left and right with your family? NO! Does it mean keeping your agreements with your family and colleagues and then failing to do those things you secretly tell yourself you ought to do? NO! It means doing what you say you will do when you say you will do it. All we have is our word.

In the book the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz the first agreement is, “Be impeccable with your word. Say only what you mean. Avoid using your word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.”  Ruiz goes on to explain that your word is your power to create.

Indeed, an agreement is a structure for fulfillment. Take the building (I assume) in which you find yourself, for example. Before it could come into being, someone had to draw up the plans. They had to make the plans clear enough for the builder and workers to be able to follow it. What would happen if every other week the plans changed. OK, the foundation has been laid but now we want this room to be half this size. Then next week the plan is changed again and the room has been eliminated from the plans altogether. That would be a very messed up building! Very expensive to complete as well.

The same sort of thing happened for me when I said I wanted more clients. A few years back I would visit my local Chamber of Commerce periodically. I wanted to grow a successful business. But I was changing my niche every month or two. One month it would be entrepreneurs. One month it would be relationships, the next month I was an ADHD coach…. Indeed (laugh).  I never kept one agreement with myself about who I was long enough to let it succeed! And I confused the heck out of my prospects.

Now, I’ve gotten pretty consistent. I have *committed* to focusing on helping people transform procrastination into productivity. It is on all my marketing materials and I now repeat it at my Chamber of Commerce and to whomever will listen as much as I can get away with. And my business is growing! People know how to talk to others about me and what I do. Not only “being my word” but holding a consistent commitment to it, has made all the difference. How might your life be better if you were more impeccable with your word? Share in the comments section below.

Unlike therapy, life coaching is not focused on reprocessing past experiences or discovering why you have the challenges you do. Life coaching looks at the present moment, as Eckhart Tolle would say, “The Now”. And where you want to go. Coaching is about achieving tangible/measurable results. We’re less likely to focus on the why but more on the what, when, and how?

Life coaching is about helping *you* to take greater responsibility for the results you get in your life. One of my mentors was fond of pointing out, “If you always do what you always did, you’ll always get what you always got.” It’s not so much about figuring out the right thing to do, it’s about changing habits, experimenting with your choices, and seeing what gets the best results. It is a powerful thing recognizing that you have an expanded amount of choices in your life. We do and say so many things on autopilot. But by getting a little more conscious and embracing your free will, you can make amazing positive changes.

It all starts by being open to possibilities. By being open to the possibility that  how things have been can be otherwise. Being open to the possibility that you have what it takes to change your world.

I have spent much time and energy trying to figure out how to work with myself instead of against myself to achieve my goals and intentions. Getting stuff done is not just about completing projects and paying your bills and making sure to take a shower before people start to talk behind your back. In my mind, getting stuff done means expressing your valuableness into the world and being of service to people in a way that is meaningful to you. When we play a smaller game in order to stay comfortable or avoid fear, it not only impacts our experience of ourselves as trustworthy authorities in our own lives but it really amounts to withholding our gifts from others upon whom we could be making a positive impact.

What positive impact would you like to make more of in your life?

What one thing can you do right now to move forward? Write it down! And do it. And please do tell me about it in the comment section below.

One of the greatest sources of anxiety for us procrastinators comes from beating ourselves up about all the stuff we feel we are procrastinating on. The problem is that we can only do one thing at a time. Consequently, when we are paying the bills, for instance, we are *not* making our phone calls, doing the shopping, working on our writing projects, finding a plumber, scheduling an appointment with our daughter’s teacher, taking steps on our true and deepest dreams, etc. And we have a tendency to beat ourselves up about slacking on all these things even as we are actually working on something productive.

Anxiety can become overwhelming and debilitating. Here is the way out. Let’s try putting our emPHAsis on what we *are* doing! I *am* writing in my blog. Sure, it should be pretty easy for me to feel good about doing this. But do you know, even as I write, I am thinking about the business cards in my purse from the Chamber of Commerce mixer last night that I have done anything about? But it does no good to beat myself up that I am not doing that right now. Even if all I can say is, “I am resting,” it still does no good for me to feel bad. The only sane choice is to either go do that other thing or feel OK about the thing I am doing.

If I treat myself like a disciplinarian, I will resist my own discipline. Call it internalized oppositional defiance.

Now, I could say, “I am resting and I choose to feel good about it”.  Or, “I am writing in my blog which is one of my most important goals.” Or even, “I am feeling anxious about all the things I am not doing and I am doing anxiety with the greatest skill.” Why not? We are always doing something. And there will always be a bunch of other really important things we are not doing.

Whatever you are doing right now consider it an accomplishment. Oh, you just read my blog post! Well, that *is* an accomplishment!

Just yesterday at my Chamber of Commerce meeting, I wanted to make a quirky but bold announcement about a discount promotion for Chamber members. While I feel comfortable about telling them about my 3rd Thursday Free Seminars, I felt very uncomfortable speaking up about my special offer. I could tell that I might decide not to say anything about it ”on the fly” as it where.

So you know what I did? I told a woman about my announcement while in the lunch line. Now I was truly committed. And, yes. My palms got sweaty as my blood ran cold. I was fully terrified! I have learned to love that feeling. I have learned that it means I am really moving forward.

And this is how you thumb screw yourself. (Well that came out wrong, but you know what I mean.)

I am not so sure. And I will tell you why.Today I was having a feeling I did not  recognize. It felt very expanded, hopeful, and alive. It about made me hurl! That is to say, it was very foreign and uncomfortable to me. I did not know what to do with myself or how to think about it. My head felt like it was exploding out the top like a cheep 4th of July firework. I would have preferred the more comfortable perky malaise to which I had become accustomed. Or that oh so tasty fear that I have learned to use to my advantage. But this… this… bliss was unpalatable.

Some time has past since this feeling of yucky bliss earlier today. I tried not to fight it but allow it to be, just like I try to allow my critical self to be a part of the whole me. It will take some getting used to before I can handle being light more of the time. I think part of my discomfort is that I am afraid I will get lost in it. If I am blissful, how then will I motivate myself? Bliss seems to run counter to my image of self-discipline and self-control.

On the other hand, this bliss seems to have come with an overwhelming amount of support from Life, the Universe, and Everything. The truth is, I am still being productive. In fact, it is taking less effort dragging myself up by my boot straps. I have a feeling of flow and momentum and a feeling of cooperation from the world. All this while feeling nauseated! How confusing! I will keep you posted on my progress…

In the past when I have felt this uncomfortable I have sprinted back to the edge of the cliff like Wile E. Coyote. Yet, despite my ability to defy the laws of gravity, I have not been able to sustain my violation long enough to traverse to the other side. <sigh>

Today, I am out over the ravene farther than I have ever been. And I am *very* uncomfortable. Sometimes this discomfort feels like  panic attack. Other times I feel thrilled as though on a roller coaster.

What has made this difference this time, and “this time” has lasted a lot longer than the times before, is that I am using my occasions of fear as a colorful signal to repeat my new mantra, “I am focused on my goals.” There is a lot of energy in fear for me. In the past, I have used it as a block. Now, I am refocusing the energy in my fear towards taking action on my goals. It is making all the difference.

Actually, I conducted a little experiment on myself many years ago. My life took a new turn in 2000 when I was laid off from my outside sales manager position a few weeks before my first son was born. Being a single mom, I decided to take over my therapist father’s insurance billing duties to earn some extra money. I needed to get claims in on a regular time schedule in order for my father to get paid. What I noticed was that I would get increasingly depressed, anxious, and sick feeling as the due date approached. By the time I took action, I was irritable and agitated. Upon task completion (some of you are saying, “What’s that?”), I felt relief. I almost felt ecstatic, in fact. Celebration time!

I had never been able to do any project with a slow and steady pace or before what I perceived to be The Last Minute. (It really sucks when you misunderestimate when the last minute actually is! We have a term for that in my business; it’s called being totally screwed!) My brain seems to need the added (ADHDed?) adrenaline of The Last Minute to muster the focus to get going. But the idea of conducting research on myself was a compelling carrot. This is what I did…

I made the conscious decision to start the insurance billing well before what I perceived to be The Last Minute and see what would happen. That’s it! Curiousity won out over procrastination. You won’t believe what happened. Well, first, you won’t believe that I actually got the billing done early! Here’s the strange part: I *still* got anxious at the last minute. And even though the project was complete, I did *not* feel relieved. Why? Perhaps because I hadn’t exerted all that fight or flight energy to get the task done? Beer always tastes better after a day of hard work. I did not have a day of hard work from which to enjoy relief.

In conclusion, I have learned to be skeptical of my interpretations of how I think I feel. That’s one thing. The relationship between my anxiety level and waiting for The Last Minute to get something done is more complex than I had thought. Another finding from my carefully designed personal research is that the anxiety did diminish with each repetition of Getting an Early Start.

Can I tell you something kind of sad, though? It is not nearly as fun to get things done ahead of schedule. There just isn’t much juice there. Yes, it is boring!

So I have decided to consciously choose how I want it to be. I can opt for the juice and brain sparkle of  The Last Minute. Or I can opt for the peace of Getting an Early Start. I have even been known to create an artificial deadline (this works well for taxes) so that I both get the juice and ensure prompt results. The most important conclusion I have made is that I don’t have to feel bad about myself to be productive. Feeling bad is an add-on and unnecessary. I love my way of being. I love that I get to have this sparkly brain. I am not going to beat myself up for waiting for The Last Minute anymore, and neither should you! (Unless you are my client and we are talking about sending my payment.)

Here’s wishing you a productive day of self-adoration! You sparkly person, you. And whatever way you choose to be, remember to celebrate your successes!

“God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.”

–Reinhold Niebuhr

The “Serenity Prayer” is about gaining clarity around the things we can and cannot change and learning to accept the latter. Sometimes the change we cannot seem to make is within ourselves. We try; we fail. We then assume that we simply cannot change. We stop trying. But maybe we just don’t know how to change. We don’t know who to ask. We don’t want to ask because that will make us feel inferior or vulnerable.

We look at others and see how capable and together they seem. We don’t want them to discover our flaws. Or, we see the flaws of others all too clearly and judge them sternly. We don’t want to draw the same magnitude of judgment we so unconsciously lavish onto others.

The process of change begins with humility. It means being willing to let go of the attachment to proving that we are good enough. We are on a constant treadmill, racing to be good enough and fearing lapsing backwards into the doldrums of not-good-enough. The mind without humility sees itself as either one or the other. When humility enters, we no longer engage in the game of good-enough/not-good-enough. We are on another playing field altogether. There is more space. There is grace. Our energy is freed up to pursue our goals and live from our values.

There is a ketch-22 that comes into play when we ask for change in our lives. We do not want to recognize the power we have to change our own lives. To acknowledge this would force us also to acknowledge the time we have wasted not taking action and the damage that has been caused by our resistance. Grief and forgiveness are parts of the change process.

Most people seem to need to experience a certain amount of pain before they are willing to step into their power and take responsibility for their lives. It is when the pain of going on with life as usual surpasses the perceived discomfort of change that we step into the void. One of my mentors liked to say, “If you always do what you always did, you’ll always get what you always got.” It is when we are tired of the same result that we choose to try something different. We usually have to wait until we are very, very tired of the way things are before we will really be willing to seek change. We can no longer pretend that someone or something else is going to fix things for us. We can no longer pretend to be helpless. Or perhaps we are helpless and we have come to the point that we need to ask for help! This is the point at which many people seek out a life coach, when they need someone who can hold up a mirror and show them the power they have.

Perhaps the most difficult part of change is learning to welcome it. Welcoming change means welcoming the uncomfortable. Once the resistance starts falling away, positive change can happen at an accelerated rate. A really skillful life coach or therapist can help support us through the process by normalizing our expectations around change. I find that letting my clients know that the discomfort they are feeling means they are moving forward is really helpful. I usually have to remind them often. It is no wonder most people are not able to make changes on their own if, whenever they feel uncomfortable, they take it as a signal to stop venturing beyond their comfort zones.

The beautiful thing that working with a life coach can do is give us an entirely new experience of ourselves. We learn that we are more competent than we had thought. We learn that we are able to be more intentional in our lives and how to override our automatic pilot who would have us stop at the first sign of danger. We make choices every day that we are not even aware are choices. We make choices about how to think and what to expect of ourselves and others that we simply do not question. Life coaching can help us become more conscious about these choices and help us to use our minds instead allowing our minds to play good-enough/not-good-enough with us.