We who procrastinate *love* a good excuse. Consequently, when disappointments happen, as they are want to do, we secretly say, “Goody! I can feel bad about this instead of having to do what needs to be done.”

My procrastinators tips for you today, then, is to *know* that you will be disappointed frequently and that there may be incredible delays in achieving your goals. Many of them will be through no “fault” of your own.

It’s all part of having goals. It is natural and normal to come to obstacles. Do you know what it means when you hit and obstacle?

No. It doesn’t mean it’s time to stop “going for it”.

It means, and listen carefully here, that you hit an obstacle on the way to your goal. That’s all! Take a closer look. <Extreme zoom to microscopic scale.> You are on the way to your goal! You must have been moving to hit that obstacle, yes? Good!

So when you find obstacles in your way take comfort in knowing, A. they are normal, B. they don’t necessarily mean to stop (you do want to find the information in them), and C. they mean you were moving toward your goals! You just caught yourself *not* procrastinating! Congratulations!

What next? Sulk for a reasonable amount of time. Perhaps set a timer for 20 minutes (the average amount of time it takes for an upset to leave the system). Or better yet, feel bad and *still* do what needs to be done. Then you get the gold star!

Today, I get a gold star!

Yeah! This is one of my biggest pet-peeves of human interaction in our culture.

What happens is this: friend A, let’s call her Abby, comes to friends B, let’s call her Bertha, feeling sad. Abby tells Bertha that she is feeling really overwhelmed with all she has to do. She feel hopeless sometimes, like she can never be enough. Bertha loves Abby and cannot stand to see her upset. So, Bertha decides to show Abby how her feelings are wrong.

Bertha says, “But Abby, you have such a beautiful family and you are doing such a great job with everything. You should feel grateful for all you have.” How does Abby feel about this response? [Read more →]

Have you ever had one of those days where you were just plain spent? Do you ever become mistrustful of yourself when you feel this way or tell yourself you are just being lazy? For me, today was the second of two days where my “get up and go” got up and went. I haven’t had one of these days in a very long time so I took the opportunity to really go through it with curiosity (instead of judgement and guilt). I asked myself a couple questions. I wondered how this experience would be different if I allowed my tiredness to just *be* without judgement. Would it last as long? I also was mindful of the ways this lassitude differed from plain old lazy spells and “procrastination events”, shall we call them.

I’ll start with the discernment piece. How do I know that this overwhelming need to slow down and “veg” is a need and not a procrastination reaction? [Read more →]

If you are a procrastinator, then you may be familiar with LPD, or Low Productivity Days. Some LPDs are very frantic and full of “doing” but lacking in getting anything done. Other LPDs are characterized by a total lack of energy. Perhaps your mind can think of things you could be doing, but your body will have none of it. This latter LPD is where I find myself now.

Historically, I would use this LPD lethargy day as a reason to beat myself up. Or I would let myself fall into a panicked depression. But not today! Why not? [Read more →]

All you have is your word. It is important that it mean what it says.

When we are our word, we build trust. This doesn’t mean that we make more agreements. More likely, to be our word, we will make fewer agreements and clearer ones. In fact, when we say “yes” to everything, the chances that we later betray our word are great. This leads others to conclude that we are not trustworthy. Worse, we stop trusting ourselves.

In my life, I have learned to stop myself for a second any time I make an agreement. I think for a second and ask myself, “Do I really *want* to do this?” If not, I am unlikely to follow through. If so, there is a greater likelihood. Then I check myself, “How likely am I to do this with no further reminders?” I have learned that the excitement of [Read more →]

What? Huh? Happiness unappealing? What can I possibly mean? Everyone wants to be happy, right?

I am not so sure. And I will tell you why.Today I was having a feeling I did not  recognize. It felt very expanded, hopeful, and alive. It about made me hurl! That is to say, it was very foreign and uncomfortable to me. I did not know what to do with myself or how to think about it. My head felt like it was exploding out the top like a cheep 4th of July firework. I would have preferred the more comfortable perky malaise to which I had become accustomed. Or that oh so tasty fear that I have learned to use to my advantage. But this… this… bliss was unpalatable.

Some time has past since this feeling of yucky bliss earlier today. I tried not to fight it but allow it to be, just like I try to allow my critical self to [Read more →]

Let me tell you where I find myself. I am standing on imaginary ground between my old place of comfort and my goals. (I wish I could call them “new” goals, but they are old and have been in hibernation for way too long!)

In the past when I have felt this uncomfortable I have sprinted back to the edge of the cliff like Wile E. Coyote. Yet, despite my ability to defy the laws of gravity, I have not been able to sustain my violation long enough to traverse to the other side. <sigh>

Today, I am out over the ravene farther than I have ever been. And I am *very* uncomfortable. Sometimes this discomfort feels like  panic attack. Other times I feel thrilled as though on a roller coaster.

What has made this difference this time, and “this time” has lasted a lot longer than the times before, is that I am using my occasions of fear as a colorful signal to repeat my new mantra, “I am focused on my goals.” There is a lot of energy in fear for me. In the past, I have used it as a block. Now, I am refocusing the energy in my fear towards taking action on my goals. It is making all the difference.

According to Wikipedia:

Procrastination is a behavior which is characterized by deferment of actions or tasks to a later time. [Why do today what we can put off until tomorrow?] Psychologists often cite procrastination as a mechanism for coping with the anxiety associated with starting or completing any task or decision. [Sometimes it is more of a matter of waiting for there to be enough anxiety to motivate us to action.] Psychology researchers also have three criteria they use to categorize procrastination. For a behavior to be classified as procrastination, it must be counterproductive, needless, and delaying. [I think this lets a lot of us off the hook! I procrastinate by doing productive things like sitting around feeling sorry for myself. It *produces* a sense of failure.]

For an individual, procrastination may result in stress, a sense of guilt, the loss of personal productivity, the creation of crisis and disapproval from others for not fulfilling one’s responsibilities or commitments. [Did they put a camera in my house?] These combined feelings can promote further procrastination. While it is normal for people to procrastinate to some degree, it becomes a problem when it impedes normal functioning. [What's that word again? [Read more →]

Do you ever feel like you have to abuse yourself to get yourself to do anything? Do you feel unmotivated until you have made yourself feel so bad that you simply must take action to relieve the guilt? I feel this way sometimes. I am not convinced that it is the self-abuse that leads to the productivity, however. I wonder if the relationship between guilt and action is coincidental rather than causal.

Actually, I conducted a little experiment on myself many years ago. My life took a new turn in 2000 when I was laid off from my outside sales manager position a few weeks before my first son was born. Being a single mom, I decided to take over my therapist father’s insurance billing duties to earn some extra money. I needed to get claims in on a regular time schedule in order for my father to get paid. What I noticed was that I would get increasingly depressed, anxious, and sick feeling as the due date approached. By the time I took action, I was irritable and agitated. Upon task completion (some of you are saying, “What’s that?”), I felt relief. I almost felt ecstatic, in fact. Celebration time!

I had never been able to do any project with a slow and steady pace or before what I perceived to be The Last Minute. [Read more →]