Why is happiness so unappealing?

What? Huh? Happiness unappealing? What can I possibly mean? Everyone wants to be happy, right?

I am not so sure. And I will tell you why.Today I was having a feeling I did not  recognize. It felt very expanded, hopeful, and alive. It about made me hurl! That is to say, it was very foreign and uncomfortable to me. I did not know what to do with myself or how to think about it. My head felt like it was exploding out the top like a cheep 4th of July firework. I would have preferred the more comfortable perky malaise to which I had become accustomed. Or that oh so tasty fear that I have learned to use to my advantage. But this… this… bliss was unpalatable.

Some time has past since this feeling of yucky bliss earlier today. I tried not to fight it but allow it to be, just like I try to allow my critical self to be a part of the whole me. It will take some getting used to before I can handle being light more of the time. I think part of my discomfort is that I am afraid I will get lost in it. If I am blissful, how then will I motivate myself? Bliss seems to run counter to my image of self-discipline and self-control.

On the other hand, this bliss seems to have come with an overwhelming amount of support from Life, the Universe, and Everything. The truth is, I am still being productive. In fact, it is taking less effort dragging myself up by my boot straps. I have a feeling of flow and momentum and a feeling of cooperation from the world. All this while feeling nauseated! How confusing! I will keep you posted on my progress…