Removing the “prod” from productivity

Do you ever feel like you have to abuse yourself to get yourself to do anything? Do you feel unmotivated until you have made yourself feel so bad that you simply must take action to relieve the guilt? I feel this way sometimes. I am not convinced that it is the self-abuse that leads to the productivity, however. I wonder if the relationship between guilt and action is coincidental rather than causal.

Actually, I conducted a little experiment on myself many years ago. My life took a new turn in 2000 when I was laid off from my outside sales manager position a few weeks before my first son was born. Being a single mom, I decided to take over my therapist father’s insurance billing duties to earn some extra money. I needed to get claims in on a regular time schedule in order for my father to get paid. What I noticed was that I would get increasingly depressed, anxious, and sick feeling as the due date approached. By the time I took action, I was irritable and agitated. Upon task completion (some of you are saying, “What’s that?”), I felt relief. I almost felt ecstatic, in fact. Celebration time!

I had never been able to do any project with a slow and steady pace or before what I perceived to be The Last Minute. (It really sucks when you misunderestimate when the last minute actually is! We have a term for that in my business; it’s called being totally screwed!) My brain seems to need the added (ADHDed?) adrenaline of The Last Minute to muster the focus to get going. But the idea of conducting research on myself was a compelling carrot. This is what I did…

I made the conscious decision to start the insurance billing well before what I perceived to be The Last Minute and see what would happen. That’s it! Curiousity won out over procrastination. You won’t believe what happened. Well, first, you won’t believe that I actually got the billing done early! Here’s the strange part: I *still* got anxious at the last minute. And even though the project was complete, I did *not* feel relieved. Why? Perhaps because I hadn’t exerted all that fight or flight energy to get the task done? Beer always tastes better after a day of hard work. I did not have a day of hard work from which to enjoy relief.

In conclusion, I have learned to be skeptical of my interpretations of how I think I feel. That’s one thing. The relationship between my anxiety level and waiting for The Last Minute to get something done is more complex than I had thought. Another finding from my carefully designed personal research is that the anxiety did diminish with each repetition of Getting an Early Start.

Can I tell you something kind of sad, though? It is not nearly as fun to get things done ahead of schedule. There just isn’t much juice there. Yes, it is boring!

So I have decided to consciously choose how I want it to be. I can opt for the juice and brain sparkle of  The Last Minute. Or I can opt for the peace of Getting an Early Start. I have even been known to create an artificial deadline (this works well for taxes) so that I both get the juice and ensure prompt results. The most important conclusion I have made is that I don’t have to feel bad about myself to be productive. Feeling bad is an add-on and unnecessary. I love my way of being. I love that I get to have this sparkly brain. I am not going to beat myself up for waiting for The Last Minute anymore, and neither should you! (Unless you are my client and we are talking about sending my payment.)

Here’s wishing you a productive day of self-adoration! You sparkly person, you. And whatever way you choose to be, remember to celebrate your successes!